Full Circle

Since my last post on the New Year, I have actually been sick again. Hasn't this been a pattern in my life the past 6 years? I go back through my posts here and I see a theme where I'm not feeling well, and all of the work God does in my life through it.  I hope to once again find encouragement in that, as I have been a little overwhelmed with discouragement this time. 

It started in the beginning of February with a routine cold/flu-like virus, from which I never fully recovered. I went on to feel quite ill with a variety of symptoms, including a daily fever, for almost 2 months. Once again I went through the gamut of blood work and testing, only to find "nothing wrong".  It was considered to possibly be a relapse of Lyme Disease so I went on another course of antibiotics. I can't say that helped much this time, but eventually, as of today, I do feel better - finally, and thank God! However, I have been dealing with vertigo and feeling off balance again. I will admit, that is my worst nightmare! What I went through with that, as you can read through past posts, I never wanted to deal with again. We shall see what becomes of it.

In the meantime, I was asked recently to speak at a women's group and to share a testimony of God's work in my life. As God would have it, He laid it on my heart to share about the time in my life 6 years ago where I was faced with an unknown illness that brought me through 2 years of uncertainty regarding my health and a whole lot of spiritual healing. I have a blog entry devoted to all of the work He did in my life during that time, and that is what I shared with the group. You can find that post here.  I had never shared before and didn't feel equipped to do it. I struggled with the idea and even wished I wasn't chosen to speak. I'm just not good at public speaking, and very insecure as to feeling as if I have anything to share! That's funny considering I share a lot here! This is behind a screen though, and not actually putting myself out there. I was thinking one morning, what if what I share doesn't mean anything to anyone and I just make a fool of myself? After all, it's God's work in MY life, and perhaps they could not relate. The morning I was to speak, my devotional read:

"If you are strong or gifted enough to accomplish a task, what room is there for God to work? If you can personally guarantee a successful conclusion to the assignment you face, what need is there for faith? That is why God will challenge you beyond what you can handle. It is only when you cannot manage your circumstances that you acknowledge God's hand. Any success you achieve is from God. Of course no one likes to relinquish control, but that is what it takes to see his astounding work in your life. Are you committed to following Him no matter what it takes?" 

That reading was extremely encouraging to me, and it gave me the assurance that God was telling me not to worry about the outcome, but to share out of obedience and leave the results up to Him. I did end up speaking because I also knew that if God put me on our group leader's heart to share, then God wanted me to do it, and I would be able to in His strength. After I shared, I got positive feedback that it was a  blessing. Some of the women were struggling with things in their own lives that I shared, and they said it was a real encouragement. My story is His story, and all glory goes to Him!

So, here I am, full circle from an illness that God used as a testimony of His work in my life to share with a women's group and encourage others, to being sick again with the same dizzy symptoms that started it all the first time. I'll admit that I'm struggling to find contentment in this circumstance (Philippians 4:11), but I know now that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (v13).