"I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him."
Psalm 40:1-3
It's been four months since my last post, and I wanted to share how far the Lord has brought me, and all of the work He has been doing in my life, since losing my mother and grandmother.
First, through a string of God ordained events and prayer, I was told by someone at my church about a faith-based grief support group called Grief Share. I had been praying for some type of grief counseling but had never considered support in a group setting. As God would have it, there was a Grief Share group going on 20 minutes from my house at just the time I needed it. It's a 13 week program (I joined in on week 4) with videos and a workbook, all built upon the word of God. It was exactly what I needed to work through my grief. It touched upon all of the things I was struggling with such as guilt, regret, what ifs, if only, why God??, what is my new normal?, loneliness and more. I found comfort in the videos as others shared their experiences, but most of all from all of the scriptures presented each week in the homework and discussions. Nothing heals like the word of God because His word is living, and it is truth and it touches and restores the deepest parts of your soul. Somehow along the way I was able to let go of all my feelings of guilt and regrets and what ifs, and to "trust in Him with all of [my] heart, and lean not on my own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5). I not only found found healing through this process, but I also met a great group of people who I still keep in contact with, which leads me to my next blessing on this journey.
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). I couldn't imagine at the time, as you can read in my last post, what good could come from such sorrow. Through my Grief Share experience, I met a woman in the group who felt led to invite me to her Bible study. I hadn't been a part of one in ages, but had been praying for a group just like this for a long time. The answer to this prayer wasn't even a thought in my mind as I was dealing with all of my loss this year, but here it was right in front of me at this point in time. I decided to join her, and it has been the best thing I have experienced in my spiritual walk in a very long time. God used my loss to meet this woman who invited me to her study, and it is good. I am so thankful and blessed beyond measure by this new group of women I now call friends who pray for me, uplift and encourage me, and most of all assist in the growth, understanding and application of God's word in my life. I can't even express how much I look forward to our weekly meetings, and how thankful I am to God for this blessing. It has helped me heal even more. I should note that my healing and growth was not an overnight process. I had to fight through anxiety, intense emotional grief and not wanting to get out of bed almost daily, and instead to walk by faith trusting God to carry me through one day at a time. As I sit here and type, I still, honestly, cannot believe His faithfulness to me and His love for me to lift me out of my pit, and to put a new song in my mouth (Psalm 40 referenced above).
One of my cries to God after I lost my mother was a prayer that I felt I was stuck in this pit that I would never get out of. I know His word says otherwise, but the crushing sorrow and despair made it seem impossible. I could not see a way out and I thought this time, I would be lost for good. As I mentioned, I spent a lot of time not even wanting to get out of bed, but as months went by and my healing began to take place, I sat one day in my prayer time praising Jesus with pure joy for all of the work He was doing in my life. All of a sudden, in the midst of my praise, Psalm 40 popped into my head and I realized He had taken me out of that pit and put a new song of praise in my mouth, a praise to my God! (Psalm 40:1-3). It was one of those moments that only those who know God can understand that just takes your breath away when you realize how His promises have come true in your life. I sat there in awe, and I still sit here in awe as I think about it.
One last thing I would like to share is how God gave me the scripture from Isaiah 43:2 the day after I lost my mom, "When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown". For a long time that was my life verse as I clung to His promise that I would not drown in my river of sorrow. That was in June. My birthday is in October, and as I thought about my birthday shortly after my mom passed away, I couldn't bear the thought of having another one without her. I prayed a lot for God to help me get through my birthday, a date that loomed over me as the day drew closer. When the day came, I was in the middle of an at-home Bible study (aside from my group in person) and the scripture for the day was Isaiah 43:2, the same scripture He used to promise me that I would not drown. That promise came full circle as I sat there on my birthday, a day I had dreaded and didn't think I would get through without my mom, and realized that there was joy and peace and the ability to endure it. Although I cried as I thought of my mom and how I missed her phone call and her silly little birthday song she would sing to me, I was able to smile and enjoy the day in a way that only God could have provided and in a way I never could have imagined.
So, God is good. He is good even when circumstances are very bad. He is in control and His promises are true. Jesus is Faithful and True. Those are His names, along with Healer, Comforter, Provider, Prince of Peace, the Way, the Truth and the Life, and more. He is with us in our darkest, and carries us through to the other side of our pain. His mercies truly are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23), and He makes beauty from our ashes (Isaiah 61:3). He promises that He has good plans for my life, with a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11), and all things work together for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Amen. Thank you Lord for blessing me in ways I never thought or dreamed possible, and in ways I know I don't deserve.
One last thing I would like to share is how God gave me the scripture from Isaiah 43:2 the day after I lost my mom, "When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown". For a long time that was my life verse as I clung to His promise that I would not drown in my river of sorrow. That was in June. My birthday is in October, and as I thought about my birthday shortly after my mom passed away, I couldn't bear the thought of having another one without her. I prayed a lot for God to help me get through my birthday, a date that loomed over me as the day drew closer. When the day came, I was in the middle of an at-home Bible study (aside from my group in person) and the scripture for the day was Isaiah 43:2, the same scripture He used to promise me that I would not drown. That promise came full circle as I sat there on my birthday, a day I had dreaded and didn't think I would get through without my mom, and realized that there was joy and peace and the ability to endure it. Although I cried as I thought of my mom and how I missed her phone call and her silly little birthday song she would sing to me, I was able to smile and enjoy the day in a way that only God could have provided and in a way I never could have imagined.
So, God is good. He is good even when circumstances are very bad. He is in control and His promises are true. Jesus is Faithful and True. Those are His names, along with Healer, Comforter, Provider, Prince of Peace, the Way, the Truth and the Life, and more. He is with us in our darkest, and carries us through to the other side of our pain. His mercies truly are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23), and He makes beauty from our ashes (Isaiah 61:3). He promises that He has good plans for my life, with a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11), and all things work together for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Amen. Thank you Lord for blessing me in ways I never thought or dreamed possible, and in ways I know I don't deserve.
